Lean In

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You are anxious and want to take a “cognitive behavioral therapy” approach to becoming less anxious. Meaning more practice exposing yourself to anxiety inducing content. Or maybe your life is just way too peaceful and you want/need more drama.

I have just the thing. The “Thurston County Scanner, News, and Weather” Facebook site. Which reveals the seamy underside of ThursCounty. Let’s get down and dirty and embrace the underside. Shall we?

Exhibit A. May 15th. Olympia Police Department are responding to the Olympia Farmer’s Market for a report of a naked man with a beard, dancing on the stage. While coming in the area, law enforcement had eyes on the male and reported that he was now wearing pants.

Of all places to nude bomb, why the bucolic center of our charming community?! My fave part of this report is the phrase “man with a beard” as if there were multiple dancing nudies. Thank you for that helpful detail.

Get’s worser.

Exhibit B. May 16th. Another peaceful day at the Olympia Farmers Market was interrupted when Olympia Police Department responded to reports of a male who had climbed onto the roof of Pithos Gyros and began urinating from the roof. After finishing his business, he continued wandering around the rooftop. The subject is also said to be associated with a second individual inside the market. No word on what inspired the elevated decision-making, but we can confirm the Farmers Market does not currently offer rooftop restroom facilities. It does not sound like he has been located.

So, if you’re like me, and enjoy frequenting the Olympia Farmer’s Market, prepare yourself for more than flowers, fruit and veggies, and snow cones. Sheriff Sanders reply, “I hate it when I find myself on the roof of an unassuming business and nature calls” for the win.

One Way To Start Your Day

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From The Olympian.

“At exactly 5 a.m., Kearns looked up at Mount Rainier and then took off for the 14,410-foot summit. . . . Three hours and fifty-three minutes later, he was back with a record.”

Simon Kearns with the new FKT, fastest known time, from the Paradise parking lot to the summit and back.

Kicking and Screaming Into The Future

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Charlotte Alter on X writes, “Want to hear a horror story?”

My very sweet husband emailed me a couple dinner options for our anniversary coming up. He listed a couple different restaurant/picnic options and asked which I preferred. I started replying to his email and that’s when I noticed…That Gmail AI had the gall to DRAFT MY ANSWER FOR ME, the audacity to select a restaurant on my behalf.

It picked badly. It picked the restaurant that is most well reviewed. I want to go to the place that is special for us because we’ve had lots of nice memories there.

But the AI wouldn’t know that. Because it isn’t me, it hasn’t been married to my husband for 7 years, and it doesn’t know what we’ve been through recently and why I would want to go to our spot.

Which is why it should stay the fuck out of my email and my marriage.”

“Different restaurant/picnic options”?! The “very sweet husband” for the win.

On Mental Illness

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Here’s one especially thought provoking paragraph from Dr. Awais Aftab’s New York Times essay, “We’re Thinking About Mental Health Diagnoses All Wrong”.

“The symptoms of mental illness reinforce one another. An important theory in psychiatry, known as network theory, posits that mental health problems emerge from symptoms pushing and pulling on one another in self-reinforcing loops. Being unable to sleep can fuel daytime nervousness; nervousness can drain energy; low energy can lead to social isolation; isolation can worsen depressive rumination; and rumination can make it difficult to sleep. And so on. Symptoms are often triggered by life stressors, but once the symptom arrangement becomes self-sustaining, it continues on long after the stressor has disappeared.”

I liked the essay, but found it a little too abstract for my peabrain. I wish Aftab had illuminated his intriguing insights with examples from his patients’ lives. I assume, maybe incorrectly, that therapists can finesse client-patient privilege by tweaking contexts and names.

Aftab’s readers, unsurprisingly with bigger brains than me, embraced his insights sans examples. Dig this top comment.

Awais Aftab for the win.

How Am I?

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Three weeks after ejecting from my roadbike and skimming across Center Street, I feel somewhere between two-thirds to three-fourths of the way back depending upon how much I’m asking of my bod. I don’t cry when choking on pistachios anymore. And I’m walking a lot, cycling a little, and I ran all of two miles yesterday even though I couldn’t breath very deeply at all. And I’m hoping to get the gills wet Monday at Masters swimming. Thanks to everyone who has checked in. Your texts and calls have meant a lot. They have made me feel a lot less alone.

More importantly, how is my soul five months after Lynn’s passing?

The second hardest adjustment has been the near complete loss of the connectedness to everyone who showed up for Lynn so consistently until the very end. Everyone, of course, quickly returned to their normal lives. I understand that, but it has still been disorienting. The house is so dang quiet.

However, the single hardest adjustment has been the loss of Lynn’s constant love, which as it turns out, I grew more dependent upon than I realized. As an introvert who digs solitude, I always fancied myself as fairly independent and resilient. LOL. In the immediate aftermath of her dying, I felt like the guy in the opening of MadMen.

Despite MSA’s slow motion devastation, I was unprepared for what, at the very end, felt like the pulling of a trap door. Which compelled me, two months ago, to go on a couple of dates which really upset my daughters whose well-being is as important to me as my own. And so now, as a result, I am disconnected from them. So disconnectedness upon disconnectedness.

Within that larger context, there have been what we in the Pacific Northwest call “sunbreaks”. Moments in the week, when the clouds separate just enough for warm, healing light to briefly shine through. When Steve calls during one of his Camino training walks to see how I’m doing. When Kevin calls. When MARN calls. When Lou, from high school, reaches out. When Mark invites me to walk. When Kris reaches out and comes over and listens to me ramble like the wonderful counselor she is. When Lil’ Chris sends a heartfelt card and note and invitation to a community event. When the college roommates write to see how we’re doing. When Marybeth sends this card.

Damn, that’s what everyone said, “I’m so happy I met Lynn.” I miss the KChrises, the roommates, Marybeth. Lynn’s people.

More sunshine than a sunbreak, I am not dating anymore because I’ve met someone special. Someone incredibly sensitive to my grieving and the family’s. Someone who watched Lynn’s memorial service on YouTube and said, “I wish I had known her.” Someone who gives me confidence that I will be alright. Especially when my daughters can accept my free falling self and we reconnect.

Sunday, Mother’s Day will be especially hard for A and J. Here’s what I want them to know. I turned on Lynn’s phone recently and there were 99 text messages. One dated 12/16/25, the day after she died, was piercing. Lisa, her boxing coach texted, “I love you Lynn. No more pain. Rest in peace.” Followed by a purple heart and strong arm emoji.

I want them to find solace in their mom’s legacy. So many people loved her. So deeply. We were very fortunate to be among them for as long as we were.

Sentences To Ponder

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From John Gruber:

“The Pentagon pegs the cost of the Iran War so far at $25 billion. Larry Ellison currently has a net worth of $220 billion. That’s just short of 9 Iran Wars. But since the start of the war on February 28, his net worth has grown $46 billion. That’s about 2 Iran Wars during the time of the actual Iran War thus far.”

Postscript. Today, apparently, Ellison’s networth is up $6b.

How Not To Win Friends And Influence People

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I couldn’t take the relentless mix of fear and negativity on “Nextdoor” so I unsubscribed. But it’s one of those subscriptions that makes it especially difficult to unplug so I keep getting occasional summary “digests”. From which the above missive comes.

C.W. is on a mission. And maybe my right wing nutter friends are right about me and I’m just a snowflake since C.W. has 83 “hearts” and counting.

But it seems to me, if the goal is to effect change, the tone is all wrong. What evidence is there that chastising improves behavior?

HAD C.W. employed me as their* editor, the first thing I would’ve suggested is change the Frump-like all caps because what evidence is there that yelling improves behavior?

C.W. seems to think the future of hummingbirds depends upon their righteous indignation. The whole damn bird/insect/nature ecosystem, if not life itself as we know it, seemingly hangs in the balance.

Other edits. Because less is more, delete the first two and last two sentences at minimum. Make it less personal and accustory and insert a “please” or two. In other words, more sugar water and less fire hose.

The “free of charge” final draft.

Recently, I saw a hummingbird with it’s tongue out which made me think that some people may not know how important it is to clean their feeders with soap and water every few days. And please, if you see white filmy crap, use white vinegar and water to get rid of bacteria. Mother Nature, the hummingbirds, and I thank you.

p.s. Great 60 Minutes segment last night on how birding has revived parts of Colombia’s forested areas and economy that until recently were riddled with political violence. One of Colombia’s, and the world’s most well known birders said that hummingbirds “are complete warriors always fighting for territory”. Who knew they were so agro?

*Why do I assume C.W. is female?

Paragraphs To Ponder

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Very sad news from The Seattle Times.

“Even the wealthiest residents are having a rough time in the Seattle area’s real estate market.

Hitting the market at $85 million in 2022, Bruce McCaw’s Hunts Point mansion was once the most expensive home for sale in Western Washington. The telecom magnate and his wife, Seattle-area philanthropist Jolene McCaw, sold the home last week for $38 million — $47 million under its original asking price and $16 million under its assessed value. 

. . . The home stands out among Hunts Point’s collection of luxury waterfront homes. The 12,600-square-foot mansion contains five bedrooms and 10 baths, while the property holds a beach house, a staff house, a cabana, a tennis court, a pool and plenty of space for a seaplane and a yacht.”

Related. I’m always frustrated when I buy a house only to learn afterwards that there’s not room for the seaplane and yacht.

I’ve Seen The Future And Eek

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The Feed, whose motto is “Food for Athletes”, is a newish, trendy, growing biz where more and more endurance sports kids are getting their fuel.

And if there’s any chance I might be a wee bit cool by association, I’m going to conform. So today, I received a text message from The Feed saying my most recent order of carbohydrate drink mix, energy gels, and engery chews had arrived.

Lo and behold, when I opened the front door, the big ass box looked like it had been chewed completely open by a colony of beavers. Even worser, the smaller box of 30 gels was also opened. And somehow three of the large gels had opened and were all over everything in the box. Resulting in one very large, very gooey mess.

Somewhere, there’s a colony of beavers absolutely ready to rip some trees apart and drag them into a stream. Right now, everything I ordered is in the kitchen sink waiting to be rinsed and dried.

No, this is not remotely equivalent to the challenges you’re dealing with today. I’m not seeking sympathy for what is ultimately an inconvenience. This is a story about the future having arrived too soon. Or more specifically, about how shit early AI customer service is.

I emailed The Feed. Told them what happened. Shared the pics for emphasis. Asked for a new box of gels. Seemed reasonable.

A minute later, “Matt-bot” replied:

The P.S. says Matt-Bot is better than a real live human being 87% of the time. LOL. The response I received falls squarely in the 13%. When they write that Matt-Bot is “designed for quick, complete resolutions” what they mean is we can employ far fewer people, lower our overhead, and increase profit margins for our shareholders’ benefit. At least in theory.

My fave part of the reply is the braindead closing, “Keep pushing”. Brah, all I was looking for was a run of the mill, “Very sorry for the inconvenience.” Well, and maybe a, “We’re committed to making it right. . .”

I switched from emailing an AI bot that strangely uses personal pronouns to emailing a human being. I wrote, “Really disappointing impersonal reply to my email and pictures about the gels arriving opened and getting over all the contents of the torn/opened big box.”

I have not heard back yet. Which is okay because I’d much rather have a slow, but thoughtful human reply than one from an uber-fast, weirdly impersonal AI customer service bot. I’m afraid, that in relatively short order, more deliberate, thoughtful, and humane responses may be a thing of the past.