Inertia is a bitch. After six months, I’ve finally started culling Lynn’s files. Yesterday, the first file I mindlessly grabbed was her “adoption” file. Which details her search for her birth mother, a couple of phone calls with her, and lots and lots of journaling about her feelings about her birth mom’s inability to embrace her. Most of the journaling was from Lynn’s 30s and 40s, her beautiful penmanship a reminder of her healthy pre-MSA self.
Despite the beautiful penmanship, the writing was sometimes blurry, since I was reading it through tears.
File two was a much needed relief. Labeled, “Swimming records”, I thought to myself, what the hell? I did not know my wife of 38 years kept a detailed list of all her personal records, some set alone “off the wall” while lap swimming at the Briggs Y and some in events Mel Smith organized at the Briggs Y, and some in a sprint triathlon or two she entered. She even had researched sprint tris in the area and notated them with things like “hilly run”. Mind blown.
My athletic experience with her was dusting her when we worked out together at the Y. Because, of course, I had to let her know who was the bossman. But in fairness, she did beat me in HORSE once and she routinely beat me when we wrestled. She’d brag about how strong her legs were and make such a serious funny face that I would laugh so hard that she would easily get me in a leg wrap and pin me.
Dig this artifact from the “Swimming records” archive. And remember what “they” say. No one remembers who came in second.
Yesterday a large contingent of elite endurance athletes competed in the Western States 100 in Northern California’s mountains, the most prestigious ultra running event in the (dis)United States.
If the 101 miles seems doable, don’t forget to save something for the 17,000′ of elevation. Those numbers would make for a very, very difficult day on a road bike.
This snippet, about the runner up female, is bonkers.
“Third time’s a charm for American Riley Brady with a second-place finish. After a 14th-place finish in 2023 and a DNF last year, Brady stormed back to run at the front back and forth all day, battling through losing vision in one eye for a large chunk of the race due to a lack of salt and projectile vomiting in the final third of the race.”
Prior to 1984, the International Olympic Committee and medical establishments argued that the marathon distance was too physically demanding for women.
I’m here for badass women saying to “the establishment”, here, hold my beer, while I run four consecutive marathons up and down mountains. LOL.
Footnote: The women’s winner, Jenn Lichter, is from Missoula, Montana by way of Colombia.
Unexpectedly found this bitchin’ crystal gift inside a carefully wrapped package on the porch this morning.
As I explain here, I very quietly exited the Pacific Lutheran University stage. Largely because of baggage. In my head.
This was a classy gesture from an institution I’m indebted to.
It doesn’t compensate for the loss of knowing students and being known by them, but it’s a very nice affirmation of my efforts over a quarter of a century.
“Rates of ‘gray divorce’ — splits among those 50 and older — have risen sharply in the United States, doubling between 1990 and 2010. Though those rates have stabilized since the pandemic, nearly 40 percent of divorces today occur between people 50 and older.”
Key definition.
“‘Empty-shell marriages’ are ones in which there is no real connection or vitality, where one or both partners are not happy. . .”
The key reasons according to Justin Garcia, the executive director of the Kinsey Institute in Bloomington, Ind., and the author of The Intimate Animal: The Science of Sex, Fidelity, and Why We Live and Die for Love.
“’We as a species are in longer relationships than our ancestors ever were,’ he said. ‘Lifelong monogamy maybe meant a few decades.’ Now, though, there are couples who have been together for 50, 60 or even 70-plus years.
‘That is evolutionarily unprecedented for our species,’ Dr. Garcia said.
At the same time, societal expectations for what marriage can or should be have changed. Baby boomers who got married relatively young — in part because that was simply the norm — are now living through a time when marriage is seen as a vehicle for love and self-actualization, said Claire Kamp Dush, a professor of sociology at the University of Minnesota.
‘We’re not just partnering based on this idea that someone’s going to be the breadwinner and someone’s going to be the homemaker,’ she said. It is possible, she added, that our collective tolerance for staying in just a so-so relationship ‘is going down.'”
RX from the Bay Area, commented, “. . . it’s mostly because women are over it.”
Three other top commenters point to an uneven and unfair division of labor as a key catalyst for calling it quits after decades of being together.
Because the author of the piece only used heterosexual examples, and the author and top commenters focused almost exclusively on unfair workloads, we end up with what feels like a relatively simplistic understanding of “gray divorce”.
For example, the author of the piece references, and the top commenters repeatedly emphasize, that women want to finally be free of caring for their male partners while men who divorce tend to remarry, often quite quickly, because “men need to be taken care of”.
Classic painting with a broad brush. “Some” men, even “many men” would be a much better way to word that.
Let’s consider a counter example. Your fave blogger. At first glance, your fave blogger’s decision to begin dating someone three months after his beloved wife died, after 38 years together, might be further proof of men being woefully dependent upon someone to cook and clean for them. Because, as the female author and top commenters seem to think, men can’t cook and clean for themselves.
Sigh. I don’t know how much depth to go into here, with respect to sharing with you dear reader my rationale for deciding to date before learning it was way, way before my daughters were ready for it. But suffice to say, my rationale had nothing to do with being taken care of. Nothing. Nada. Zilch. Not to brag, but I can hold my own in the kitchen and I will out clean you. Just sayin’.
How ’bout a four-word summary of what could be a four thousand word explanation. I began dating because I sought emotional connection. Which is one word more than it takes to say I was lonely. Weirdly, the concept of emotional intimacy is completely skirted around in the article and top comments.
A friend and I have been sparing a bit on the topic of the patriarchy. Often while hiking. This will surprise no one. I’m losing. She runs circles around me on the topic because she thoughtfully articulates the negative consequences of the patriarchy on men. A key point that too many feminists gloss over. In particular, she correctly points out that entrenched patriarchal norms make it very difficult for men to develop much, if any, emotional intelligence. Without which, emotional intimacy is a non-starter.
Despite some countervailing evidence, most men can learn to vacuum and load and unload dishwashers. And pick up their underwear. Much, much more easily than they can learn to communicate about their inner lives. And much, much more easily than they can learn to tap into their partner’s innermost thoughts and feelings.
I am not an expert and any reader of the female persuasion correct me if I’m wrong about what follows.
I have a strong hunch that many women would like to have their partners do a load or ten of laundry and make them dinner and clean up afterwards, but what every woman would love, especially in empty-shell marriages, is the opportunity to talk about each other’s inner lives in as vulnerable and patient and regulated a manner as possible. So as to feel safe, to feel seen, to feel loved unconditionally. And then to reciprocate. Over and over. For however many years are left.
If you are a parent in the (dis)United States, recent research suggests you are worrying more and more about your children’s futures.
These numbers blow my mind. Even the 2019 baseline represents a serious break with the post- World War II past when parents assumed their children’s lives would be better than their own. Now, that has completely flipped.
The most cited culprits include the rising cost of higher education, the utter lack of affordable housing, rising health care costs, a gerontocracy that continuously games political and economic systems in their favor, and a tax code that favors investors who tend to be older. It’s no wonder so many young people choose not to vote, thus creating another hurdle.
A picture I took this weekend of an old, solitary tree. I wonder if it worries about its seedling’s futures.
What has the post-‘rona world wrought? People connecting. Hell yeah.
Patricia Marx in The New Yorker:
“When my editor asked whether I’d be interested in writing about the growing trend of friends getting together to tackle to-do lists, I thought, “Sounds about as fun as a group root canal.” I e-mailed back, “YES!” It was February; I hate the cold; the research would take place indoors. Also, I figured, it might take a village to make me get that comptroller form notarized, memorize the map of South America (don’t ask), and write my will—an item on my list for eighteen years. (As for to-do-list items that never die, thirty-three years ago, the agenda of a friend of mine included: No. 1, get my figure back; No. 2, dance lessons . . . No. 8, figure out if I should break up with Tim; No. 9, leave Tim. Not his real name, because my friend is still wondering about divorcing him.)
Everyone, it turns out, has a lot of shit to do, and many find the drudgery easier to slog through in the presence of company and snacks. Over the course of two months, I sat in on eight Admin Nights, as these gatherings are often called. (“Are they, like, fossils of extinct mollusks?” a hedge-fund guy at a dinner party asked me, thinking of ammonites.) There was a meetup of young mothers who had a lot of children’s birthday parties to organize, a group of Gen Z-ers whose morning session had a live soundtrack provided by a d.j., and a group of people with A.D.H.D., based mostly in Australia, who meet regularly on Zoom. At the Women in Games get-together, a seven-year-old attendee, brought by her mother, marvelled that grownups have homework, too.”
This morning, on the way to Masters swim practice at the Y, I saw three women running shoulder to shoulder on the Henderson Rd sidewalk by Olympia High School. They were not fast, at all, but that’s irrelevant. They had found each other, agreed to meet up, and were clearly vibbing, talking through who knows what. Simultaneously improving their physical and mental health.
And props for your introverted humble blogger for livening up Masters by asking the women in Lane 3, “Do you know the Masters swim team secret?” Looking perplexed, they repeated, “Masters swim team secret?” “Yeah, this lane has the best technique.” They were touched and proudly added their lane was also the most jovial. Five women connected, happier together, living fully.
Maybe I shoulda started this out by writing . . . some people connecting. Social anxiety shows no sign of abating. And we’re way less likely to see our lonely, socially anxious neighbors struggling to find connection. Because often, they can’t even leave their homes.
Here’s to celebrating connection while continuously extending the circles of friendship we’re lucky enough to enjoy.
Is flag blue. Just as promised before the $14m renovation.
Any suggestion that dark green clumps of algae are sitting on a lighter green layer of algae that’s blanketed the water is the work of Democrats like Shumer, Jeffries, and Barack HUSSEIN Obama, who lie like dogs. Just like with Russia, Russia, Russia, the sad (sick) Democrats are making this up. Total and complete witch hunt.
Flag blue. The bluest of blues. Many say the bluest ever.
Brooks Barrett, who studies marine plant life at the Smithsonian Institution hasn’t been seen since he said there’s “no quick fix” to the algae bloom in the pool. “The reflecting pool is perfect for algae,” he explained. “If you were trying to biofarm algae, this would be the way to go. It’s warm, it’s stagnant, it’s perfect.”
The only thing that’s perfect, is the reflecting pool’s color. Which is flag blue. Any suggestions otherwise are the work of the lamestream media and the sad (sick) Democrats who will be prosecuted to the fullest extent of my law.
Doubling since October, 2025, Elon Musk’s current net worth is approximately $1.2 trillion.
In a The New York Times article today, Adeo Ressi, Musk’s college roommate at the University of Pennsylvania says, “It’s not like he’s planning to leave this in a massive family trust. It’s literally going to be used to make humanity into a multiplanetary species.”
“It’s like anything. It’s like, you grow, you change, you start having conversations about that in your relationship, and it just got to a point where we realized it might not be working anymore.”
AIRBALL! The least informative explanation of an uncoupling of all time by the WNBA leader in assists and games played. The first thing I taught my writing students was to avoid vague words and phrases. Words like “anything”, “change”, “that”, “it”, “anymore”.
Of course, Sue Bird doesn’t owe anyone an explanation, but since she attempted to provide one, she’s going to have to resubmit it. No exceptions, even for 13 time All-Stars.
What on earth has happened to the eclectic humble blog? I know what you’re thinking, you didn’t sign up for this. DM for subscription refunds. Oh wait, the humble blog is free, so complain accordingly.
Today you had a smorgasbord of sports viewing options. Always a thrill, you coulda stood anywhere on Delphi, Waddell Creek, or Chein Hill and watched the boys and me go uphill at superhuman speeds. At least that’s how I remember today’s ride. Or you coulda watched the M’s lose in the 9th to the Tigers. Or Zverev finally break through in a major. Or, if truly enlightened, you coulda watched the pro golf playoff at Jack’s course.
Or you coulda watched the correct thing. Women’s professional golf. Specifically, the U.S. Women’s Open at Riviera, won by 27 year old Nelly Korda after her 2’10” final putt circled the entire cup before disappearing.
Korda is kool and I was very happy to see her win, but there were at least two other noteworthy stories you may have easily missed. But I got you.
Since time immemorial, women professional golfers have been playing for approximately 15% of what their male counterparts do because it’s been hard for the women’s tour to attract nearly as many eyeballs, and therefore, television sponsors. Today’s purse was a record, a whopping $12.5 million. On Wednesday, Korda will continuously check her checking account until her $2.5 million dollar wire hits. By the time she pays her caddy, other team members, federal, and CA taxes, it might be half of that, but I digress. The good news is that today the women played for more than the men do during a regular tournament week and for 62.5% of the fewer in number PGA Signature Events. That constitutes serious progress.
Second, dig this very short Gaby Lopez clip. Lopez is Mexican and finished one stroke back, tied for second. These days, when it comes to both cultural diversity and immigration, it’s easy to get overwhelmed by depressing news and to lose hope that we’ll ever thoughtfully and peacefully figure either one out. We would all be a lot better off if we just pressed pause and channeled Gaby Lopez’s attitude.
Pressing Pause 